Ticketmaster, you’re fired!

My wife “fired” Ticketmaster today. But I’m not sure it will stick.

Here’s the background. We ordered tickets several weeks ago for a concert. The tickets were to come at least 48 hours before the event. They never came.

Buckwheat Zydeco on Feb. 19 -- no thanks to Ticketmaster

So my wife contacted Ticketmaster the only way you can: by email. She was told the tickets would be available at Will Call. Except that when we showed up, there was no record of the tickets having been purchased. No problem. Sherri showed her receipt for our online payment to Ticketmaster and the box office people let us in. Good thing it was general admission, or we would have been screwed.

Today, Sherri decided to push for a refund of the “convenience” charge that Ticketmaster levies on every transaction.  Here, in a greatly abbreviated account, is how things unfolded:

Sherri: I did as I was told in terms of taking my purchase confirmation number, ID and credit card on which the purchase was made to my concert, where I was to obtain from Will Call replacement tickets for the ones that never arrived. Although the Will Call folks had absolutely no communication from Ticketmaster related to this situation and did not have tickets there for me, they did allow us to enter the concert. The following day, the missing tickets arrived in the mail at my house. I really think a $10 “convenience charge” for this convenient service far surpasses a reasonable charge. Might I get that refunded to to me, since absolutely no convenience and very little service was actually delivered to me from Ticketmaster?

Ticketmaster: We do regret that you have not received your tickets. Please be advised, Ticketmaster guarantees entry but does not guarantee delivery of your tickets. We apologize for any inconvenience. Regretfully, we are unable to grant your request for a refund. As confirmed at the time of purchase, there are no refunds.

Thank you for using Ticketmaster, where we continually strive to provide World Class Service to every customer, every day! We really appreciate your business, and hope we were able to resolve any problems or answer any questions you had. Please reply to this email if we may be of further assistance.

Sherri: I did not request a refund of my ticket price. I saw my concert. I requested a refund of the $10 service charge. The event entry I received was due to the graciousness of two volunteers staffing a Will Call window. It had nothing to do with Ticketmaster. You did not provide anything remotely related to the service for which you refuse to refund my money. I now consider myself advised that you do not guarantee delivery of your product. Please be advised that if you are unwilling to refund a service charge for service you did not provide, I am no longer a Ticketmaster customer.

While she put up a valiant effort, we all know you can’t fire Ticketmaster.

Want to see a Avenue Q? Unless you want to drive to the box office, you’ve got to go through Ticketmaster. Want to see Buckwheat Zydeco? Ticketmaster.  Lipizzanner Stallions on Ice? You got it.

You may try to fire Ticketmaster, but it will keep coming back into your life.

I once worked for a small company at which, during a meeting, the boss announced he had fired “Bernie,” our accountant.  Bernie didn’t come in that day, or the next, but on Monday, there was Bernie. And he kept coming back every day for the next three years. We never heard another word about it.

Maybe because, whatever Bernie’s transgressions had been — and no matter however aggravating he could be — we needed him.